Ask, “What is getting in the way?” before labeling someone disorganized, or “How are you holding up?” before judging quietness.
Giving someone your physical, mental, and emotional presence through Be There helps you understand the situation before deciding what it means. A manager might notice missed details and ask, “Would it help to review the priorities together?” The answer could reveal an unclear handoff, competing urgent work, a personal strain, or a need for coaching.
How does Be There change a manager’s questions?
Presence means keeping attention on the person and conversation rather than preparing a rebuttal, checking messages, or reaching for an explanation from a past interaction. It also means staying open when the answer is uncomfortable. If an employee says the deadline moved twice or that a process is creating errors, the manager can acknowledge the concern and ask, “What happened from your perspective?”
In a remote meeting, presence may look like closing other applications, responding to the specific point raised, and pausing before speaking. A manager who hears a flat tone can ask, “You sound stretched today. Is there something affecting your work that you want me to understand?” That question leaves room for the employee to share, while respecting their choice about what to disclose.
Asking before assuming also helps managers notice when they need to make time. If a conversation starts during a rushed moment, they can say, “I want to give this my full attention. Can we talk at two?” Keeping that appointment is part of Be There.
What words can managers use before forming a conclusion?
Try these questions:
- “What is making this task difficult right now?”
- “What have I missed about the situation?”
- “Can you walk me through what happened?”
- “What support would be useful?”
- “How are you experiencing this change?”
Before the conversation, notice any story you are already telling yourself. During it, listen for facts, feelings, and requests; reflect back what you heard; and ask one clarifying question before proposing a solution. Those small pauses help a manager understand the person in front of them and respond to the real situation.
Questions like this one, and many more about trust and leadership, are explored in the FISH! Philosophy upgraded trial, which gives your team 30 days of access to the FISH! film and its digital guides.
