Choose the format that gives both people enough privacy, attention, and emotional room to talk honestly. In-person conversations can create connection through shared space, while video can be equally thoughtful for remote teams when the setting is private and focused.
What does being present require in either format?
The FISH! practice Be There means bringing physical, mental, and emotional presence to the conversation. Your location matters less than whether the other person can tell that you are genuinely with them.
Before you begin, check the practical conditions. Choose a private room or a quiet video setting, silence notifications, close unrelated applications, and allow enough time so neither person feels rushed. On video, position the camera at a natural angle, check your audio, and explain any interruption that cannot wait. In person, put away your phone and choose seating that supports a calm, direct conversation.
Mental presence means listening to understand the specific concern rather than preparing your defense while the other person speaks. Emotional presence asks you to notice your own reaction when the person is upset, disappointed, or seeing the situation differently. You can acknowledge the impact of their experience while you gather facts and decide what needs to happen next.
A manager might say, “I hear that the deadline change left you feeling blindsided. Let me make sure I understand what happened before we discuss next steps.” That response does not settle every question, yet it shows the employee that the conversation deserves attention.
When is video a good choice for a difficult conversation?
Video works well when people are remote, travel would create a long delay, or the employee feels more comfortable speaking from a familiar private place. It also gives both participants a clear pause button: either person can say, “I need a moment to think,” without leaving the room abruptly.
Choose in person when the topic requires sustained connection, the relationship would benefit from shared space, or video conditions make privacy and focus uncertain. Follow your organization’s policies for sensitive matters, and involve HR or another designated resource when the issue includes harassment, discrimination, retaliation, threats, safety concerns, or serious conduct questions.
Use this quick check before scheduling:
- Can both people speak privately and without being overheard?
- Will each person have enough time and emotional space?
- Can you give your full attention for the entire meeting?
- Is the format accessible and comfortable for the other person?
- What follow-up will confirm the agreements and next steps?
If the answer to any question is no, adjust the setting or reschedule. Being there includes making it possible to be fully present.
Questions like this one, and many more about communication and feedback, are explored in the FISH! Philosophy upgraded trial, which gives your team 30 days of access to the FISH! film and its digital guides.
